Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A Month!

So I've finished a Month of blogs! What have I learned, what self-appraisal blog can I give, into my contribution to general blogdom? Well, what progress can be made when life is one big groundhog-day (as in the film)? This should be a subject of a future blog (can't say that it will though...) but you get my meaning I suppose: every day presents itself as a day just like the one before, and in important areas of our life we don't "progress" from a point we left off the day before, or the week before. We just repeat, or forget. I'll probably look back over some of the blogs in this Month and think "did I think/say that?": so where is the progress in my thinking? I think our thoughts are as disconnected as one day is from the next, and that you can't ask someone what he thinks about something, only what he thinks about something at that particular moment. I think some people (religious people?) like to think of life as a journey, and we are the boat, or we are at least objects in a boat. But in that illustration you would be better comparing men to the stuff outside the boat: constantly changing, moving, intermixing, and hard to grasp or even describe. We lend our support though to boatlike organizations, which float on us and displace us, but that can't really hold us. And these organizations sometime try to say that a certain bit of water is better than another bit. I'd like to know how they've managed to divide water from water, who do they think they are, Moses? What a silly rant to end the Month!

Monday, November 29, 2004

Noni...

There's a lot of Pictures of Joni (or noni as she calls herself) on the web, you can see them here.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

ABC/Twinkle twinkle...

Joni can put Two or Three words together, and make sense, which I think is really amazing. What's more amazing though, and she's only started doing it so well this past week, is that she can sing - it's either the ABC song ("ABCD, EFG,...", or "twinkle twinkle little star", the first two bars are the same) - 14 notes of a song, the first two bars of it! She's pitch perfect, even though she sings gibberish. And it's infuriating, every time I go to record her singing, she won't do it, or half sings the song...I will manage it though, and post it up here when I do!

We went to "Pets at home" on Teesside park today, Joni loved seeing all the animals, but I really think they cram too many birds into those huge cages, some of them were just hovering because there was nowhere to land! Well it wasn't that bad, but it was bad. We bought a fish-tank for a goldfish, now (we didn't know) we have to prepare the water (dechlorinate it etc) for the fish before they let us buy one! Makes you wonder, the water we drink not being fit for a fish to swim in. And what about all these fairgrounds handing out goldfish as prizes? Do they ask to see proof that you have a ready prepared fishtank of declorinated water waiting at home for it? I bet that's how they make their money, because not many people would have that sort of proof on them! The scoundrels... ;-)


Saturday, November 27, 2004

Ducks...

...are my favourite animals, which is really handy, I don't have to go to the Serengeti to see them or anything, or even London Zoo, we've got them by the pond-load in our local parks! Today we drove over the moors to Whitby for the day, and stopped at Scaling Dam resevoir to eat our sandwiches (and to buy a pint-mug of tea from the mobile cafe), where we also fed the ducks. My enduring memory from today will be Joni, running towards a (flock?Gaggle?Murder?) of ducks: seeing them fly off one by one as she got just that bit too close with her outstretched arm offering bread...we think she wanted them to eat from her hand, she was (it was funny though) upset when they had all flown off, "Oh no, oh no!!".

Becky also had a go at me (she has a point) about the way I try to extrapolate a general rule from every small comment she makes (e.g. this (very pretty) road to Whitby is (because she travels it a lot) boring she says, he says with a face so straight and in a voice so cold, "any road well travelled by a person will become boring"), you can see the way I do that in this blog...

Friday, November 26, 2004

Dogs...

I like dogs, but not as much as some. I couldn't have one in the flat, even if I wasn't allergic to them (which I am) : I don't think I'd have one anyway. Today at the train station a man and his little dog climbed off the train from Manchester, and the dog was greeted so warmly by the lady who came to meet it. That's right. It was as if the guy was in tow, he was the pet, of not much importance after all in comparison to the little fella. Mind you, the dog did seem a lot happier than the man to be back with his mistress...is it an instinctive thing for people to react more warmly to animals and to children? Maybe it is. I always find myself cuddling Joni ahead of Becky when I get back from Uni. She seems so pleased to see me, I mean, I know Becky is too, but I think we lose something as Adults, we tend to try and hide our real feelings, or we filter them through our minds first (how should I show my feelings in this situation) instead of being spontaneous and natural, like little children and dogs.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Skype me!

I used Skype when it first came out, and wasn't impressed particularly, but having read some rave reviews of it recently, I downloaded it again yesterday and actually (can you believe it?) bought 10 EUROS of credit to use the SkypeOut service (so you can phone any number, not just contact other skype users online)....well I'm impressed, having used (briefly) VOIP services before, I know how bad they can be, but phoning Becky on the land line, although the sound quality isn't as clear as a normal phone, there's no delay or echoing (and no disconnections so far), which was the fault with these services before Skype. And it's cheap: 1.5 EUROS per minute to call virtually anywhere in the world, that's about a penny a minute and (this is where it gets interesting) NO LINE RENTAL. In this country we pay "line rental" of about £9.99 a month (with NTL anyways) before any call charges, so my intention is to ditch the land line altogether. I've read about other people considering it too...the only problem is that at present there's no SkypeIn, people can't ring you, but apparently this is coming by July next year at the latest. I'm a Skype convert. Now I can order a Pizza...or Ten...from that New York restaurant without fear of them finding me or getting a huge phone bill... ;-) I joke of course. BTW our username is w i t h j a m o n (with no spaces), if you fancy a chat.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

The Seventh Seal...

Watched "The Seventh Seal" by Ingar Bergman last night, it's my favourite film by him so far. I wish I could find a copy of the script online, there's so many great and profound observations made in the film, relating to Death (who appears in person!)

Enjoyed a lovely walk down to the beach and around back up to the park with Bex and Joni this afternoon. I love the way Joni tries to pick up every little stone on the beach, she's always throwing stones down that she's just picked up so that she can fit another (Better?) stone she's just spied into her hand! Walking back to the house, it's weird, I was rocking the pram (to get Joni laughing) and when I stopped doing it she looked up at me and said "littlebit"!! i.e., do it a little bit more! I love her so much...

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Injured...

Something funny happened yesterday, which I'll mention here: as I was walking to Uni, a guy (half) approached me as I was walking towards him, obviously a canvasser of some description, and said as I became level with him "any accidents or injuries?"...I said (walking past) "No, sorry...."!!!! I was laughing for ages about that, me apologizing to an insurance salesman for not having suffered for him!

I'm pretty down today, the band I'm in is collapsing around my ears, but I suppose I've only got my half-hearted work "ethic" to blame (and age and family and degree and attitude towards music in general, that it's probably not going to put bread on't table). But after this period of cleansing, as if by fire, maybe a stronger forest will grow from the hardiest trees (the oldest)....

I've been in a weird mood in general actually, even before all the band stuff. The train steamed up this morning, and I wrote upon the window with my finger that: the passengers had been weighed in the balance and been found wanting: actually I wrote a date: 11/3/2054. I think that's about the expiry date on my drivers license, but it always makes me think of the expiry date it's associated with. It's funny isn't it, how we have this shelf life, but we never actually think about what that date could be in concrete terms. That's why so many people were offended by the Death-Clock. So I'll probably die in the "Fifties" (as people will know them) if I'm lucky. And to quote Solomon(?)(NIV) at Ecclesiastes 1:11:

"There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow"

And it was graduation day for all the frocked monstrosities, I could/should have been one of them (for my HND result), but why pay for something you've earned- why shell out for a frock and a photo (in excess of £100) when you get the certificate for free, in the post? I was pulling very strange faces as I walked by the adoring, filming, snapping parents; hopefully I'll turn up on the margins of someone's film or photo looking a pass short of a degree...

To end on a bright note, here's a spider Joni drew (or painted onto, she did the blotches!) today at nursery whilst Becky was learning how to make a quilt in college.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us



Monday, November 22, 2004

Ap*stasy...

That's a bad word, so I had to censor it. But I thought I'd put down here, for posterity, the "best bits", in my opinion, from the book "In Search of Christian Freedom" by Raymond Franz, former member of the Governing body of Jehovah's Witnesses. The book has certainly influenced me in that I no longer see being part of an organization (or a particular religion) as being a requirement for "salvation" . Please don't read any further if you feel these quotes will offend you. But if these quotes help you to undergo a "shipwreck in your Faith" in men, and in an organization, then that's a good thing. Your Faith in God can not be damaged by increased knowledge. I've emboldened the paragraphs that REALLY hit home to me, the one's that I knew inside already (as do many I'm sure) but was glad to see somebody else expressing.


P322

“Thus a young man of sixteen may be disfellowshiped for some act of sexual immorality. He may not choose to go through the steps necessary for “reinstatement” and the ending of his disfellowshiped status. However, he may no longer engage in sexual immorality, may later marry, father children, show himself to be a faithful husband, a good father, and an honest, responsible person, seeking to live by Christian principles. Yet, no matter how many years may have passed or what kind of person he shows himself to be, he is to be treated the same as if he were a sexually immoral person, a corrupting influence, a person with whom other Christians, even his close family members, should not associate. Why? Because he has not taken the legal steps ordained by the organisation for having the “disfellowshiped state” lifted and been declared officially fit for association. If the Father in the parable of the prodigal son had lived by such policies, then, upon seeing his wayward son approaching the home, rather than running out and embracing him as he did, he would instead have had to insist that the son first be screened by a committee of three to determine whether the father could properly express such parental interest and affection.
In this way, adult and mature Christians are denied any right to exercise their own intelligence and judgement as to whether a person is a clean living person or not… the religious authority must first rule on this”

P328

“In his words at Matthew 18:15-19, Jesus does not set forth a prescription for organizational excommunication. The wording indicates an offence and a penalty of purely personal nature. Even after referring to the “congregation” (evidently meaning the then operating Jewish congregation), Jesus said “Let him be to you [singular, not “YOU” plural] as a Gentile or tax collector”

P397

Quote from former special pioneer in Brazil “I cannot deny that I have been and am still influenced by the noble principles aimed at outsiders advocated in [the organisations] literature. I relied wholeheartedly on those principles and believed that any matter would be rightly considered by the organisation. It is a painful blow to find out that they are just part of a monologue, like other kinds of propaganda, that seeks no answer at all but only its own echo”

P421

“There is periodic acknowledgement in the publications that the writers are, after all, “imperfect men” and that the organisation has “never claimed to be infallible”…in actual practice it works out quite differently. One finds out that this only applies to the past, not to the present…Jehovah’s Witnesses are called on to take whatever is currently taught as if it were infallible”

P448

Re: a list of 80 scriptural “credentials” supporting and applied to the faithful and discreet slave listed in a Watchtower, with scriptural quotes “This is circular reasoning comparable to a mans saying, “I am the greatest person in all human history and I have the credentials to prove it. Just look at this long list of famous men and women from the past, and then read these writings of mine in which I have applied everything said about them to myself”

P460

“The lack of any formal program and the apparent spontaneity and individual motivation of the first century Christians are what are most remarkable of [the accounts relating to worship and sharing the good news] in the Bible. We find only the barest of suggestions of what their meetings were like and no indication of any methodology or systematization in their proclaiming of the good news.
I recall that during the years I served in circuit and district overseer activity I used to puzzle over this when preparing “service talks” that were a regular feature of the weekly program when visiting congregations. I wanted to prepare talks that were scriptural, but it seemed so difficult to find scriptures that even faintly reflected the kind of organised service urged by the headquarters in its publications. I found it hard to understand how the apostles…could write entire lessons to congregations and never say anything stressing the need for the readers of those letters to get out and go from door to door, nothing about organised witnessing arrangements at scheduled times, about putting in more hours in the field service, all things regularly stressed in the Watchtowers publications…[I now realize this is because] the systematized, highly programmed approach to Christianity that has developed bears greater resemblance to that of a large sales organisation than to the first century Christian congregation and its simple, uncomplicated approach to worship and service to God.”

P462

Aside from what David and Solomon wrote, most other scripture was written by men who either were not part of the established official organisational structure or who were at odds with it, viewed by it with disfavour-prophets whom God raised up and who neither got their assignment or instructions from some organisational channel, nor submitted their speeches and writings to that structure for approval. They openly expressed disharmony with the ones heading and guiding the organisational structure, both kings and high priests. Because of this these prophets were often viewed as subversive troublemakers for the congregation of Israel… [These prophets] felt no obligation to “go along” with the organisational structure and its officials in their erroneous course or to accept and support its misrepresentations of God’s word. Their loyalty to Jehovah and his truth superseded loyalty to any earthly system, even one initially established by God, as was the nation of Israel.
Today most of Jehovah’s witnesses take virtual pride in supporting “the organisation” no matter what it does or where it leads or what it teaches. In this they have no support from scripture. In the national congregation of Israel, it was those who submissively followed the organisational officials no matter what, who were the ones led into false worship, and their “loyalty” to that national organisation’s leaders caused them to accuse falsely and persecute men innocent of any wrongdoing. They viewed such conscientious servants of Jehovah as “anti-establishment”. Thus, their loyalty to an organisation actually put them in opposition to God. This stands as a warning to us to this day


P464

“Read the whole of the scriptures and it is clear that what we are called on to is to put faith in God, faith in his Son, faith in the Word of God as brought to us by those whom he inspired, but nowhere are we told to put faith in men or in an earthly organisation, unquestioningly following its lead.. Such faith is misplaced and leads to grave consequences…far from encouraging such faith in imperfect men the entire Bible record is a continual reminder of the danger inherent in that kind of trust”

P470

Referring to the belief that 144,00 have a heavenly hope only: “If we were to accept a very conservative figure of 10,00 proving faithful to death during the course of the first century, and another 10,00 from 1879 onward, that would leave 124,000 others to be approved during the intervening period…it would mean that during the ensuing 1,779 years before the watchtower organisation comes on the scene, Jesus Christ, who was directing his followers [ all this time as per Matthew 28:20 “And look! I shall be with you ALL THE DAYS until the conclusion of the system of things”], only saw an average of 70 persons a year- in the whole world- become faithful followers of his! Surely it strains belief to think that such paltry results would come from Jesus’ direction of his disciples”

P480

“Many religious works, such as Bible commentaries (the Watch Tower headquarters library contains scores of these works), that were written one or even two centuries ago are still in print and still considered to be of genuine merit. By contrast, there are very few Watch Tower publications that were published during the first 80 years of the organisations 110 year history that are not today considered “out of date””

P503

“An article in the Awake! magazine of May 8, 1985 says that... “It is logical that [God] would oversee a faithful transmittal of his word down to our present day”.
The problem here is that the organisation denies its own position in its claims in this regard [that the divine name must have been removed from the whole of the Christian scriptures] – not to some trivial omission or variation- but with regard to something they view as one of the most important of all the features of the scriptures, the [divine name]…in effect, they are saying that God, who exercised his influence to preserve the Scriptures, at the same time failed to see to it that some form of his name was preserved in even so much as a single one of the approximately 5,000 ancient copies of those ancient Greek scriptures. If the importance the organisation attaches to the [name] is soundly based, how could this possibly be so?”

P514/515

“Contrary to the common practice of Jehovah’s Witnesses when addressing God in prayer Jesus consistently addressed him, never as “Jehovah”, but always as “Father”…when Jesus taught his followers to pray, had he followed the pattern developed among Jehovah’s Witnesses he would have taught them to address their prayer to Jehovah, or to have included that name somewhere in their prayer. Instead he taught them to follow his own example and to pray “Our Father”…In our own family relationships we do not normally refer to or address our Fathers by their names…to do so would give no indication of the relationship we enjoy with our parent. We address him as Father or the more intimate “papa” or “Dad”. Those outside the relationship could not use such a term. They must restrict themselves to the use of a more formal address involving a particular given name”

P527

“Is a religions numerical growth a guide to its being blessed or approved by God? It is never pointed out that other religions, such as the Seventh day Adventists and the Mormons-religions that like the Watchtower society had their birth in the United States in the Nineteenth century- have registered approximately the same rate of growth as that of Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

P528

“The combined populations of China, India and Pakistan represent two-fifths of the world’s population- two out of every five persons living on earth. And only a tiny fraction of this enormous population has even the slightest acquaintance with the Watchtower message. It would seem to be sheer egotism for any organisation to believe that a righteous and loving God could base a life-or-death judgement of all humanity on such a terribly misbalanced and fragile basis…Factually, Jehovah’s Witnesses are contacting at best about one half of earths population to any extent worth of mention”

P532

“During my fifty years of active service, I accompanied thousands of fellow witnesses in many countries as they went from door to door. Only rarely did I feel that what they said to people could qualify as anything approaching an effective witness to Christianity…I cannot believe that a just God would ever judge any human’s worthiness for salvation based upon his or her acceptance or non-acceptance of the door-to-door presentations I have heard-or, for that matter, those I myself made in conforming to the organisations “field service” instructions. The overall mental impression left with listeners is unquestionably that of persons interested in selling religious literature or in advocating their particular sectarian beliefs”


P555

Full quote from British MP W.J.Brown, explaining his statement that the “only categorization that really matters is that which divides men as between the servants of the spirit and the prisoners of the organisation”: “Whether the organisation be political, religious or social is immaterial to my present argument. The point is that, the idea having embodied itself into an organisation, the organisation then proceeds gradually to slay the idea which gave it birth…
[If a religious organisation, its] message will crystallize into a creed. Before long, the principal concern of the church will be to sustain itself as an organisation. To this end, any departure from the creed must be controverted and, if necessary, suppressed as heresy. In a few score or few hundred years what was conceived as a vehicle of a new and higher truth has become a prison for the souls of men.
…the idea having given birth to the organisation, the organisation develops a self-interest which has no connection with, and becomes inimical to, the idea with which it began. Now, the thing which permits this process of diversion to take place, so that the organisation comes to stand for the opposite of the idea which originally inspired it, is the tendency of men and women to become Prisoners of the Organisation, instead of being servants of the spirit…the organisation becomes less the vehicle of the idea than a channel through which particular interests are served””

P564

“The more ones faith is centred on a human system, whatever that system may be, the less spiritual that one becomes. There are men who are very “religious” and yet are essentially unspiritual. They are essentially “organisation men”, not men of faith. Their lives may be filled with activity that bring them organizational backing and the power that that backing affords, but if that backing is removed, their apparent strength is removed with it”

P569

Re Rutherford’s claim that the peace following World War 2 would be “very short lived, quickly followed by Armageddon”: “Today, half a century later, we are still living in that period of peace, one that is longer than any previous period of peace between the major powers in history”


P572

Re a comment made by one of the senior bethel members that his “prayers had been answered” when the last of his relatives died, this meaning that they now qualified for a resurrection (and would not be eternally destroyed at Armageddon): “It seems incredible that anyone could believe that the extension or withdrawal of divine mercy, with all the serious consequences implied therefrom, could be governed thus by a timetable-believing that a persons dying one day, or even one hour, before the “great tribulations” beginning would give hope of his being resurrected, but his dying one day or one hour after would not. Surely the individual would be the same person at either time.”

P586

“I believe that any witness who takes time to weigh matters will realize how greatly friendship among witnesses, ultimately and in the final analysis, is predicated on ones being in favour with “the organization” and what he or she has to offer in an organizational context, not on what he or she is as a person or the qualities or values they might hold. The person’s qualities and values have merit only as they conform to and advance the organizations interests. That kind of friendship is very much like the one that stems primarily from one’s holding membership in good standing within a club, lodge, union or similar group.”

P591

Full quote from a former member of the “Worldwide Church of God” taken from a periodical called “Ambassador Review” written in 1974: “Before an individual becomes a member of the Worldwide Church of God, he is encouraged to “prove all things, hold fast that which is true”. The ministry tells him “Don’t believe what we say-check it out”. “If we teach contrary to God’s Word, do not follow us”. Unfortunately the opposite process begins once one is in the Worldwide Church of God. The member is told that “Mr Herbert W. Armstrong is closer to God and has more of his Holy Spirit than anyone else, which is why he is the leader of the Church” or “Since Mr Herbert W. Armstrong is the leader of God’s Church, he must be closer to God and have more of his Holy Spirit than anyone else”
…This type of circular reasoning is taught to the members, and is applied to a lesser degree [to successive layers of officials on down the line]. By the time you get to the lowly laymember, his opinion is worthless, with compared to the hundreds who must be closer to God since they have higher positions, or who have higher positions since they are closer to God…In this way a member is stripped of any confidence in himself or God’s Spirit in him. He places Herbert W. Armstrong and the rest of the ministry in the position of defining what he must believe-in place of Jesus Christ and the Bible. The ministry carefully shows laymembers how to prove the beliefs of the Worldwide Church of God from the Bible. The member thinks his belief is firmly grounded in the Bible, but for him to prove it he must rely heavily on the proof texts and the explanations he has been given. I don’t necessarily mean all these beliefs or explanations are incorrect, but the member is being groomed into a spiritually dependent person, and his primary dependency isn’t on Christ or the Holy Spirit, but on Herbert W. Armstrong and the ministry of the Worldwide Church of God.
…It doesn’t take a spiritually strong person to merely accept exactly what the Church teaches and to obey it strictly. But it does require strength of character and spirit to question, research, prove, and then abide by your convictions, regardless of what the Church or anyone else says””

P598

Re: The “spiritual paradise” “Not that anyone would rightly expect that an organisation should air to the world all the wrong acts of its members…what is wrong is to create an impression of great moral superiority by widely publicising the failings of other beliefs, making it appear that these are common and typical of the membership as a whole, while almost totally suppressing any admission of similar failings on a similar scale within ones own belief system…for example the Watchtower of October , 1983 quotes a journalist who wrote favourably of a convention in Montreal as saying “If they were the only people in the world, we would not at night need to bolt our doors shut and put on the burglar alarm”. He may think so. He does not know that at Brooklyn, where the largest concentration of Witnesses on Earth is to be found, it became necessary decades ago to install locks on all doors to living quarters and I can never recall a period of any length during my fifteen years there when there was not at least one witness thief active within the “Bethel family””

P600

Re: Claims made in The Watchtower praising the superiority of Witnesses as employees “I have personally had business man after business man-among Jehovah’s Witnesses-tell me that often their witness employees gave them considerably more difficulty than those classed as “worldly” employees. Though there was generally scrupulous avoidance of committing major wrongs, petty dishonesty, misuse of time, lack of cooperation, substandard quality of work, and other failures to act in the best interests of the business, were evident to a degree that simply did not accord with the organisational boasts made”

P604

“I personally have no question that if statistics were available they would show that there is no great difference in the percentage of failed marriages, divorce, youthful wrongdoing, or sinful conduct of any kind, between Watchtower organisation membership and that of many other religious affiliations…whatever evidence there is provides no basis for the public declaration of being purer than others (the “I thank you God that I am not as other men are” syndrome of the Pharisee in Jesus’ parable)…mere punishment of wrongdoing does not of itself make an organisation “clean” or superior in its cleanness to other organisations. A government might consistently exile all those disagreeing with its decisions and rule. But that would not prove that the country was free of dissidence or discontent-not if the exiling continued to go on, year after year. Nor would the practice of executing all criminals mean that a country was free of crime and superior to other countries in enjoying a crime free environment, particularly not if crimes (and subsequent executions) continued to occur at essentially the same rate as always”

P615

“It is easy to render lip service to the example set by individuals of the past who, often at great cost to themselves, did not allow intimidation to keep them from seeking truth and making it known. Watchtower publications frequently contain articles commending the integrity to truth and conscience that earlier martyrs and reformers displayed…other articles speak approvingly of various break-away, non-conformist, minority groups…all of whom declared themselves as placing loyalty to scriptural truth above loyalty to organisational authority and teaching. In all of this however, one cannot but be impressed by the parallel with those religious authorities in Jesus’ day who, as he said, “built tombs for the prophets and decorated the graves of righteous men of the past” and said “If we had lived in the times of our ancestors we should never have joined in the killing of the prophets”. Despite their professions however, the course of those religious leaders showed that they had the same spirit as their ancestors, who brought about the death of the organisationally rejected prophets. In parallel fashion, while honouring those dissenting individuals and non conformist groups of the past, the Watchtower organisation employs the identical weapons that were used against them-organisational censorship, intimidation, pressure, coercion and excommunication-to silence any attempt today at free, open discussion of the validity of its teachings and exercise of authority. Those it now labels as heretical are to be viewed as dead by all members. It praises the courage that made men and women in the past hold to their convictions yet condemns the same course now as born of a disruptive, prideful spirit, as evidence of rebellion against God, and in so doing uses language strongly reminiscent of the ecclesiastical condemnations of the past.”


P630

“What would a person in, let us say, the third century A.D. do if he felt that matters had reached the point in his area where Christ’s headship had been seriously usurped by men, where the conformity called for could only be gained at the sacrifice of conscience, where he felt that Christian truth and spirit and love were being subtly perverted, so much so that there was a discrediting of Christianity? He might live in one of those places where the apostle Paul had personally laboured, such as Ephesus or Thessalonica. Any expression of contemplated withdrawal could well be met by others with statements like, “How could you possibly withdraw? Don’t you realize that Paul, Christ’s own apostle, personally brought the good news to this area, started the Christian gathering that continues to this day? Surely if anything is amiss, Christ himself will correct it and we must just wait on him until he does so. Where did you learn what you have learned-was it not through and in this gathering? If you withdrew, where would you go? Outside there are only heretics and heathen. Where would you find another gathering the size of this one? You would be in danger in finding yourself all alone or just part of some tiny splinter group”.
What would have been the result had that third century person been overcome by such argumentation, had suppressed his conscientious feelings, closed his eyes to the serious wrongs, and wishfully believed that these would change, despite all contrary evidence? Would a course of passive conformity give any assurance against the possibility of his being found among those to whom Christ would say, as he said to persons in Laodecea, “You are neither cold nor hot…[you are] only lukewarm…[I will] spit you out of my mouth”. The course on which many professed Christian leaders had then embarked DID NOT CHANGE; it continued on until a hierarchical system developed. Had the third century person described taken the course of passive conformity and encouraged his children and grandchildren to do the same, they would all ultimately have become submissive subjects of that hierarchical system. Had we lived then, would we have found that consequence acceptable? Only if our answer is affirmative could we find acceptable and persuasive the argument which encourages passive conformity today”


P637

“When men who profess to be followers of Christ place themselves as governors over others, call upon these to adhere loyally and scrupulously to whatever directives they give, even include the concept of loyalty to an organisation in the questions asked persons at baptism, so that the baptism is done, not only in the “name” or “authority” of God and Christ, but in the name of the organisation they head-when men do this they need to be faced with the question Paul posed (1 Cor 1:12>): Were you crucified for us? Have you paid the price of your own life blood and by it bought us so as to be entitled to such submission? If they cannot answer “yes” to such questions-and they clearly cannot-then we cannot accord them the submission they call for and still remain loyal to the one who did die for us. We cannot be the slave of two masters.”

P638

“If we adopt a self righteous attitude based on performance of specified activities, routinely carried out week by week, or view ourselves as superior to all those outside our particular religious community on the basis of certain things we abstain from, how can we feel we are different from the Pharisee of Jesus’ parable in his self confidence based on his regularity of performing acts set out in the Law? (Luke 18:9-14)…it is when we become free from an environment that induces and fosters such an attitude, free from a system that seeks to regulate and dominate and systematize our activities and service to God, while making us feel that our dutifully submitting to all this makes us something “special”, superior to others not so doing-it is then that we are faced with the true challenge of Christianity. We are now free to let our heart and our personal faith motivate us. How deep does our love go? What does it move us to do? How far does our interest in others extend, our concern to be of benefit, help and service to them? To what extent has the life lived by God’s Son touched our hearts, lifted us up, expanded our outlook, deepened our appreciation, expanded our thinking?”

P640

“Our human tendency is to want to resolve all questions of belief, to free ourselves from any uncertainty. What is “the truth”? Exactly what do we believe? Because we would like to escape from the pain that uncertainty itself carries with it, most of us would be happy if there were someone to tell us this, relieve us from having to wrestle with issues ourselves, lay out a precise path for us. An organisation that claims to have the answers to all questions attracts many. As mature persons we need to realize that no human has all those answers, nor need the lack of them hinder our spiritual growth.”

P656

“If we read the Christian scriptures, we will find that Christianity is not presented as either a system oriented or building oriented way of life and worship; nor is it defined by creeds or law codes. Neither is it centred upon specific activities viewed as specially and distinctly devotional and religious and therefore as having superior merit before God over other activities not so viewed. It is a way of life that embraces all of life and all of life’s activities.”


P673

“..Personal relationship to God and Christ is stated in another way in Jesus’ words recorded in John chapter fifteen. There he represents himself as a vine and his followers are branches joined to that vine. He does not present himself as simply the roots of the vine and say that the congregation is the stem to which his followers must be attached. Neither is the vital connection as attachment to other branches. It is to Christ alone. It is by virtue of their holding firmly to him that they are all drawn into unity.”


P678

Re Heb 10:24,25 “This scripture is used by some as a sort of spiritual “club” to enforce strict attendance at meetings held at specific times, but this calls for reading more into the exhortation than is there. The Greek word in this text rendered “give up”, “neglect” (or similar renderings), infers desertion or abandonment, something far more serious than a mere irregularity or occasional infrequency of attendance. Nor is there anything to show that being in attendance at such meetings was ever presented by Jesus’ apostles as having greater merit as “worship” over other expression of love and faith made in a Christian’s daily life. We do not find this idea expressed in any of the apostolic writings…in considering the evidence of the early Christian community, the remarkable fact is that we find no set pattern laid out for us as regards Christian gathering.”

P680

“The test of true unity is not uniformity of belief on every single point. Paul’s letters almost without exception show that among Christians in the different places to which he wrote some saw certain things differently from others. Christian unity proves itself genuine when differences of viewpoint do exist and yet the persons holding such differing views refuse to allow this to divide them…they are members of a spiritual family sharing a common faith based on clearly stated, foundational teachings…Not uniformity, and certainly not humanly imposed uniformity, but love is the “perfect bond of union.”

P683

“Any religious system that perpetuates the dependence of its members on the services of certain men is working against the goal set forth…all should become “adult” Christians, mature in understanding and in the ability to live a Christian life, to make mature decisions that are their own, not those of someone else.”

P694

“…If we look to the Christian Scriptures to find some kind of spelled out, organisational manual we will look in vain. In view of this, I feel it is presumptuous for any of us, whoever we are, to speak where God has not spoken, to define and order what the head of the household, Christ, has not defined or ordered, and expect others to feel under any obligation as a result of what we have done…authoritarianism and control by rules may bring order, but they also cover over and mask the genuine reality of what people are. Freedom allows their true qualities and attitudes to become manifest…the scriptures foretold the adulteration of purity in the Christian community. They do not however set out a precise formula telling us how to identify some particular affiliation as THE one true religious fellowship with which to align ourselves. To the contrary, Jesus assured us that the separation of the intermixture of genuine and false Christians in the world field of wheat and weeds, and the placing of them into clearly defined categories, is something beyond human ability. I am satisfied that this intermixture prevails in ALL denominations…the separation and clear identification of them will become manifest only at God’s day of judgement.”

P704

Quoting Charles Davis, theologian who left the Catholic Church “”When someone asked me what it felt like to be outside the Roman Catholic Church, I found myself spontaneously answering: it is as if I had rejoined the Human race”. I felt the same on disengaging from the Watchtower organisation. Yet Davis goes on to say, “I would not here be misunderstood. I have known great love and generosity among Catholics…I do not consider myself as cut off from Catholics as Christian people. I am not, then, spurning Catholics as individual persons…I know them as very good people, but as struggling against heavy odds within the confines of their Church.”

P711

“In summary then, even as I am convinced that the one true religion is Christianity itself, not some religious system claiming to represent and exemplify it, I also believe that the truth is found in the Scriptures, not in any particular set of interpretations that men have developed or may yet develop.”




Sunday, November 21, 2004

Coat...

OK, so nothing very exciting happened today, but Becky did make me buy a coat, and after arguing over whether wearing a duffel-coat Becky liked would get me beat up (I don't have to look like somebody out of Dead-Poets society just becuse I'm a student) we settled on an Ellesse number- thick and warm, with a suitably geeky hood. Nice.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

York...

We went to York today as a family, what a great place. Pity it was so cold. Just outside York is the Sidings, one of our favourite places. It's a restaurant that's right by the East-coast main line, four train tracks that carry all sorts of trains up and down the country. And the sidings itself is made out of converted railway carriages! Well, we can't afford to stay there, or even eat there, but we buy coffee (as we did today) and sit in the conservatory that's right by the tracks, and keep our eyes and ears open for trains. Then you can nip outside, where there's a porch leaning almost over the tracks: you can "feel the wind" of these high speed trains as they zoom past, at top speed, it being a long stretch of straight track. I go for Joni really.... ;-) ...she waves at the trains as they approach, and then waves goodbye to them, but she cuddles you tight when an intercity train speeds towards us (such a train as we were on two weeks ago, we saw the sidings from the train for the split second we were level with it!), then recovers her bravery to wave goodbye. Here's a train she wasn't scared of: The driver waved and tooted as he went by too!:

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Friday, November 19, 2004

Cold...

Man, it's cold cold cold here in Saltburn-by-the-sea, relatively speaking. It's sub-zero anyways, and we've got the central-heating on for the first time this year. Could snow apparently! We went to the shops just now to buy some wine and brandy (Becky's making mulled wine) and Joni looked like she would bounce if she fell over, she was that swaddled! Bex is at me all the time to buy a new coat, I've only got this thin jacket, but I'm a tough Northener, I can take it! It's one of the things foreigners always point out actually when they come here, and to our local town Middlesbrough, how young people out drinking never wear coats, and it's true that a few each year get hypothermia because they are too cool to be bothered about being cold...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Deaths sting...

Had a big chat with Bex last night about Death and religion, those two intertwined things. The one needs the other I suppose. A symbiotic relationship. The conversation got started because I had looked into Joni's eyes and I swear I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit, and I knew it was Death for me, and moreso Death for Joni, that had grabbed hold of me like an attack of vertigo. Well, I come up with my old favourite invented illustration for why there may be less to life than what (doesn't) meet the eye, assuming God is Love; and with a new one which is silly but illustrates the foolishness of there being a "true" religion that God favours over a persons being "true" to his beliefs.

The old one goes like this: religious people say you must have "Faith" to experience a relationship with God, that it is in effect up to US to find him, hence "Mankinds search for God", and not vice-versa. But I always think of a child lost in, say, a large supermarket. Who's responsibility is it to bring about a re-union, the child's or the parents? Surely a loving parent would find his child, explain to him that he loved him and all of this even if it was the child that ran off? Well, I think Mankind is born into a "lost" position, some say this is because our original parents "ran off" from God. And still others say that God is not far off from each of us, that he has shown his enduring Love for us by sending a Son. But why do I still feel lost? Why do the majority of Mankind still feel lost? My opinion is this is because God hasn't "found" us yet - would a lost child have any doubt that his parent had found him? - or maybe things are meant to be this way, or maybe even more depressingly, there is a reason (or no reason) that is beyond us and may always be, for these questions. A child may pretend, even deceive himself that he has found his parent (notice it is not the other way round) but I think he is just holding onto the legs of a stranger in the supermarket, he hasn't looked up into his face (he can't), and even if he thinks he can, does he really know who he is looking at anyway? Will he not see what he wants to see to feel safe? This brings me on to the next illustration, which is like the above illustration but with all the children in the world in a world-sized supermarket, and groups of children gathered around different figures that each child swears (is willing to die for the belief perhaps) is his parent.

It's silly, but in the TV game-show "Takeshi's castle" there is a game called knock-knock: there's actually an online version of it here *NB: that site was removed, so I've linked to an internet archive of it - the pictures don't load anymore, but you get the general idea from the description that follows - 8/2006*. The rules are something like: there are ten walls ahead of you, one wall after the other, and you have to run through one of Five doors on each wall to get to the other side (behind the last wall), where you claim a white ball (to proceed to the next round). Each wall has only one door that "works", you have to run into the door of your choice on each wall, and if it is real you will go through (it's made out of weak wood), but if not (the door is just painted on the wall), you run into the wall! Now what is this like? Well, I thought this could be likened to choosing the religion one follows, and how one follows it. Imagine the first Five doors were labeled "Christian", "Muslim", "Jew", "Seikh", "Buddhist" (for example), and you take a run at one of the doors. Let's presume God is judging you, and he's decided there's only one true way through to him and the prize, the way through is the true path or religion. You run into "Muslim".....bang!!! Sorry, you got it wrong! No prize for you! (no fatwahs please.)You run into "Christian" (let's say it lets you through for sake of argument) and at the next one you run through "protestant".....bang! Sorry, no everlasting life for you, you got through one door though, but I needed all 5, because you need to worship me in "spirit" and absolute "truth"! And you could get even sillier, and make hundreds of doors you needed to get through (the choices getting narrower all the time), like choosing between a brand of Christianity that believed in the physical return of Christ over a spiritual return (something very hard to deduce from the Bible) ...Bang! Sorry, stupid, couldn't you SEE that Jesus is returning in the flesh?? Who really believes that the lost child, yes that lost child, has to find his way back through a series of (sometimes imperceptible) choices to find his God? Does this seem unjust and unloving? If it does to me, miserable man that I am, wouldn't it to God? And here's the best bit: sometimes the first choice, or the first few, are made by our parents, and if you think they're not, what is the most prominent religion in your country (broadly speaking)? If it's Christianity, do you consider yourself a Christian? Your parents and your country made the first choice, and any change would likely be a "progression" on this same path i.e. another, more defined, "brand" of Christianity. Then imagine, I know it's hard, that the Buddhist way is "The Path"- how unfair would THAT be? You can extrapolate this illustration on and on....for example, if this was real life, you may think you're playing by the above rules, and that if your choices carry you safely through the doors, you assume that you've made the right choices. But if you stop and look around, who actually feels the adverse judgment of God upon them for their particular choice of religion? Nobody, of course. In real life ALL of the doors let you through, and so every religious person feels he or she has Gods approval! What's going on, because all of these people (or most) would feel that there's only one true way through the doors? There are three possible reasons I suppose: God favours everybody, despite their choice of religion; God favours nobody; the walls will only appear at the doors on judgment day, or the day of your death. It doesn't take a genius to realize that the latter of the three options (tell me if there's more or if this is oversimplification) is the most unjust and unloving. You could actually live a God-fearing, wonderful life devoted to the Deity as you imagine him, and in the way you think (you feel! surely you would feel Gods disfavour, a "wall" between you and him, otherwise?) is right, and then on the day of reckoning be cast into hell, or into nonexistence, whichever is the case. The only answer that makes sense to me is that everybody's right, or nobody's right, because otherwise we end up (in effect) judging ourselves, our own choices excuse or condemn us, and the Bible (for one) does not support this: God is our judge, and not an "imperfect" human, such as ourselves. And if you follow this thought to its conclusion, you realize that (to God) there IS no game, no walls, no doors. All these things are inventions by man, man who needs walls, who needs doors, who needs to feel he is "somewhere", that he has progressed in his life to a definite place through a definite route, that he has worked out and worked for his salvation (even if the Bible tells him it's a free gift and no specified works, or works of law, are needed: no jumping through hoops or doors required). That may be so, but if you take away the walls and the doors, you might as well be in one place as another, or put another way, you might as well be where you started. This makes sense to me, because at this moment in time I think that organizations that have built "walls" and "doors" do not offer an approach to God, how could they, because it is like saying "you have to come through this door I have made in this wall I have built to worship your Creator!" That the walls and doors are very old makes no difference. It is also like the scripture in the Bible that condemns the uselessness of idols in worshipping God: they are Objects built by man, and they offer a supposed channel to God, who did not create their idol. Of course this is not the case. Even as Jesus said "I am the way", there is no organization that can claim, idolatrously, to be some sort of mediator between man and God, when if you are a Christian you know that only Jesus can be this. In fact, ESPECIALLY if you are a Christian, as Jesus broke down those walls that seperated off Jews from "gentiles". And (as is well known) he stated that the weeeds (bad people) would be seperated from the wheat (good people) in the judgment, which shows that the weeds and wheat are MIXED, the wheat is not all in one place (as it would be if they were all in one "true" religion) but are mixed in with all of mankind (which man can say "I've done the seperating for you Jesus, look we're all here in one place!"?). This all makes sense and fits in with the idea that we are judged individually, as the Bible says, and not organizationally. I do not wish to comment here (I am undecided) as to whether Jesus is a door to God that is of Gods own making.

I apologize here and now for my presumption, because a part of me still cries out and tells me that it's wrong to talk like this, as Paul said, "should the clay say to the potter, why have you made me this way?" I think though that it is in the nature of man to ask this question, and I am but a man.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Pale rider...

Watched the "behind the scenes" footage to 21 grams today, the director (Alejandro González Iñárritu) explained why he makes films: he is obsessed with Death, and contemplating the eternity of Death that awaits us, without hope of returning to existence. That pretty much sums it up doesn't it? "If an able-bodied man dies can he live again?". No wonder I love the film so much. I have his other film, Amores peres, first in my "rental queue" on LoveFilm.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Dreams...

I don't dream, or if I do I don't remember (I probably remember one dream per year, has this got something to do with me not being able to remember my childhood? Am I seriously lacking in the memory department or gifted in the mundane life department? Now you know why I blog! For every interesting moment there are a million not worth remembering, and for every interesting dream likewise perhaps): Becky had a dream last night which I thought I'd record, because someone should base a novel or a film on it! She dreamt that (I hope I tell it right) a group of mysterious and armed men (were they mere mortals?) were forcing their way into peoples homes, and as one would keep the occupant(s) restrained, the others would examine the house and try to establish whether the occupant(s) led a happy and valued life. They did this by rooting through personal effects- by reading letters, cards and by looking at photo's and such. And if they decided that this house was a happy one, they left; if they decided the house wasn't a happy one, they shot and killed the occupants. Becky said they said to her, laughing, "You're OK". Except she wasn't playing herself in the dream, she was somebody else. I said it was black couch time to Becky, and joked with her that she was either unhappy and/or not loved, or she felt that way.
Ho-hum.
Read in the Times today (left behind on the train) that short-sighted computer users who use a computer for long periods (yes and yes to those points) may have a high risk of developing glaucoma. There's an article here about it. Good news all around. But we didn't opt out of the "Little House on the prairie" world in favour of this one, did we? I know I'd be living in that little house like a shot if I could. Sentimentality for something you've never had, where did I just read about that?
That so-called solution to the problem with my FM2 assignment was nothing of the sort, and I've got polynomials to deal with now in the Networks class, can I get off at the next stop please?
I just remembered (and laughed) at an absurdly funny bit from "Breakfast of champions" which I'll finish on: Here's how us earthlings were able to conquer a planet of the shazz-butter eaters:

"So the earthlings infiltrated [their] ad agencies, and they buggered the statistics in the ads. They made the average for everything so high that everybody on the planet felt inferior to the majority in every respect. And then the armored earthling space ships appered...only token resistance was offered here and there, because the natives felt so below average".



Monday, November 15, 2004

On the shelf...

I have quite a few "Teaching Company" lectures on CD that I'm waiting to get through, on my little MP3 player. If I brag I do not brag about myself (and owning the works of Shakespeare doesn't make you a playwright): I hope I can put up some opinions of the courses in later blogs:

Existentialism
Philosophy
Science
Prehistory
English
Human Behaviour

I have so little time though, and it's hard to listen to lectures and read Science-Fiction simultaneously! And University is getting tough, I have a Formal Methods 2 assignment where the QUESTION is 23 pages long, here's a little logical statement that I hope will solve the "small" problem I'm having with the assignment specification at the moment (I can only test it at Uni because I can't get the "B-Toolkit" to run under Linux, it's a pain involving licenses and I just gave up!!):

IF {ran({pp}<(haspassed\/{pp->mm}))} /\ Needed(follows(pp)) = needed(follows(pp)) THEN....

See what I mean? It takes me ages to understand it, and I wrote it! Will all this talent be put to good use at Corus? It seems it may (or may not, as I am currently thinking) be the case....I may end up on placement there.


Sunday, November 14, 2004

Lettuce pray...

Had a very active sort of day today, jogged to Redcar this morning but ran all the way to the station (Redcar East) which is 4.2 miles, in 35mins, so I was quite chuffed with that. Then we went to the allotment for a bit, though it was too muddy to dig really. An event worth recording though: we harvested our first produce from the land, our "firstfruits" comprising of....a lettuce. Here is that lettuce looking all happy and unsuspecting:


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Nice, eh? All letucey and everything.

Had a few e-mails back and forth with Brian about irreducible complexity, it's still the best argument (in my opinion) for design- what brought it to mind was watching Richard Dawkins not really answering the question relating to organisms being irreducibly complex, on "The Atheism Tapes" on BBC Four on Friday. The question was particularly geared to whether a feather would be any use to a "bird" until it had actually fully developed as a feather (millions of years after it first started developing), but it can be applied to the origins of life also, as Michael Behe famously (infamously?) did, using the illustration of the mouse trap, i.e. a mouse trap has no useful function unless all its parts are present and in working order- it is irreducibly complex. This has been challenged, quite imaginatively I think, by many, but I am unconvinced. Even putting Bertrands observation to one side ("If everything must have a cause, then God must have a cause. If there can be anything without a cause, it may just as well be the world as God, so that there cannot be any validity in that argument.") I don't think Evolution can (did) get off the ground, and all this leaves to one side the actual question as to what "sparked" the first chemicals into "life" in the first place? Show me a man who can animate dead chemicals into life, or who can build the "simplest" cell, and I'll re-examine my position.





Saturday, November 13, 2004

Coffee Machine...

Me and Becky are coffee-holics, it must be said, and so you can imagine our deep sense of loss when our coffee machines "carafe" vibrated off the kitchen top (it was the washing machine that killed it) and dashed to pieces on the kitchen floor. So we went out today to hunt for the cheapest coffee-machine we could find (yes it's cheaper to get a new one than to replace the "carafe", I'm sure there's a good metaphor dying to get out here): and we found a bargain. A Russell-Hobbs that "mills" your real coffee beans, and then "brews" it up for you, wait, it gets better, you can set it to do all this automatically, so we're looking forward to waking up to the smell of coffee in the morning. And the best thing of all about it was that we got it for £15 at "cash-converters", even though it's new and it's retail price is £69.99! Here is what our coffee-machine looks like:

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Joni did something really funny today: she keeps going in the fridge and seeing things she likes, and crying for them, and we tell her off for going in there, but this morning she was so quick: she opened the fridge, grabbed a yogurt, and (holding it IN FRONT of her so we couldn't see it!) ran as fast as she could down the hall shouting "All gone! All gone!". I couldn't stop laughing for ages about it.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Joni...

I'm not talking about Joni enough, and she's my little girl, so I'll talk about her a bit now. Lets' leave religion to the side of the plate today (it's a big plate). She's becoming more and more like a little girl every day, and she has me in the palm of her hand (and I think she knows). Every morning at about Seven, when she's finished with Beckys' milk, she'll lay on the pillow beside me and (if she's in the mood) will let me have a few minutes more half-sleeping...But not this morning, she (as she always does sooner or later), climbed over my face, and down my side of the bed, and pulling the cover off me (as much as she can) feels around for my hand, which she then pulls on hard in the direction of her bedroom...Saying "Booksssh!Bookshh!"..So I get up, and follow her hand in hand to the bedroom, where I pick her up(her bookshelf us quite high, which is good, because the books would never be on it otherwise!) and she points at the books (always about 10 of them!) she wants "dat!dat!dere!dere...".
Mornings and nights are always when Joni's the nicest, and they've transformed those two events into wonderful things. Tonight Joni (as usual) walked in the bedroom to give Daddy a kiss before going to bed (She's always reluctant, but then she always finally kisses me and she's so warm about it)...Tonight, she had her dolly in her hand ("oh, BAby!oh, BAby!" as she says), and she held up baby for me to give her a kiss too! Another of my favourite Joni'isms is "Oh, NO!Oh, NO!" which she says as if her little world was ending! Becky said she said it the other day, and couldn't stop saying it and crying when her little etch-a-sketch toy's pen broke (we got her another one). That's another Joni'ism: "Dwaw!Dwaw!", when she wants to draw (she says it whenever she spies a pen or a pencil, or like the other day, she pointed to the top of the computer desk (she couldn't see the top though) because she knew I put pens there!). There's hardly a day goes by when her arms or hands haven't got new pen marks all over them, or if not her body, then our bed covers or the sofa covers! She draws so precisely though for her age, she lays on the floor right onto the paper, and scribbles, but then she'll do a few dots across the page here and there, and then sit up like she's finished her little masterpiece!
She's funny. Her stubborn manner is worrying sometimes though (thinking ahead a few years...), she's really getting into the habit of saying "No!!!" when you ask her to do stuff! Becky and me have to try to stop ourselves laughing because at the moment it's more funny than naughty....

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Liquid breakfast...

I can't believe how funny "Breakfast of Champions" is! I've actually giggled out loud today reading it, it's the sort of book you shouldn't read in public (didn't someone say that about one of Bill Bryson's books? Not about "A short history.." of course). If you read this, read that. It's a lot funnier.
Been around Brians and he's plied me with wine, for the sake of my stomach of course, so I'm signing off early tonight. I love this Bertrand Russell quote: "I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong." Maybe tomorrow or soon I'll put into writing my thoughts on the similarities between successful religions and successful businesses...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

01010101...

Bumped into Ian (the guy who has the allotment behind us) today at Middlesbrough and sat with him on the train home. We got talking about Religion (as you do), he stated he has a "very strong faith, very strong" that is based on Jesus Christ, not on any religion. I explained I didn't know where I stood at the moment, that I had more hope than Faith. We talked about religions putting up fences between people, he agreed, and about how Life wasn't as black and white as some religions seem to present it. Ian compared it to a computer that uses just noughts and ones (or rights and wrongs?) yet with this limited vocabulary can build colourful images, and much more. I paraphrased Bertrand Russell, who said something like (I wish I could find the Quote) "A man works in Africa helping leprous people and does a lot of good in making their lives better, and occasionally sleeps with one or other of the nurses; another man, being perhaps quite harsh (not "nice") remains married to the same woman all his life and doesn't contribute much, if anything, to his community: Who is the better man? Many Christians would say that the man married to one woman, who was not "immoral", was the better man".
All this is very much along the lines of what a lot of people (myself included) believe Jesus would be in agreement with if he came back. Isn't faith in anyone other than Jesus a weakening of Christianity? And yet many put their Faith in organizations (men) on a par with (equating them with) Jesus. I think (at the moment) only God can say who's right and who's wrong, and no man can presume to say this for him, or to be the "ones" who can accurately understand or interpret his "word". Despite claims to the contrary, it is NOT obvious (at least to me) that God is "using" any person or organization on Earth today above all others.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Bookshh...

I put this list of books together last night (just before watching "Finding Neverland" which was really good), and ordered them all at Watersones today (they actually had the top two in stock):

Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut
Five Great Novels, Philip K Dick
Too Loud a Solitude, Bohumil Hrabal
We, Evgeny Zamiatin
Slowness, Milan Kundera
Farewell Waltz, Milan Kundera

I suppose I should have spent the vouchers on computer books or something? "Boorrr-iing!!" (in a Homer Simpson voice). Why read about computers when you can read about people? I'll be glad to add the two Kundera's to our collection, I'll only have "Laughable Loves" left to buy/read by him, then I've "read Kundera" (his fiction anyway). Have YOU read Kundera? (Asked in a Darren White tone of Voice, no disrespect Darren if you ever read this, perhaps I should say the "old" Darren?). I'm glad to add some more Sci-Fi classics to our collection too (did I say yesterday I was looking for true to life fiction? Well, that includes true to future-life fiction!); having read Slaughterhouse Five/Cats Cradle & Dr. Bloodmoney/The Man in the High Castle by Vonnegut/Dick respectively, I thought I'd purchase some other peoples recommendations by these guys (Amazon's good for that). So I'll finally get to READ Bladerunner...I'm reading Hrabal because he's Kundera's favourite (living) author and Zamiatin because apparently We was (not We were, strangely) a huge influence on Orwells' 1984 and Huxley's Brave New World, two favourites of mine. Mind you, that wasn't all the books on the list- I had to scratch the likes of The Master and Margarita, Ferdydurke and Flatland: I'll be scouring the second hand book shops for them though!(or at least abebooks.com).

I can't write out the whole piece, but suffice to say that I had to do some severe nipping of myself on the train back from Uni (to prevent the tears flowing), reading "A cream cracker under the settee" from "talking heads", easily the best (it's the last) monologue in there and too touching to describe: I put the book on Beckys pillow and said she must read it after she's finished her current book (Identity - Kundera).

Final Questions (answers at the bottom of the paragraph): If you've never been in a fight, or avoided them, are you a coward? Have you lived less? Is this Mans desire to fight someone or something for someone or something surfacing in me (at last)? Will Phil move away, will he really sever ties, familial and musical? And will I stop trying to notice "moments" worth remembering, being a self-tourist, snapping away with my memory instead of enjoying the moment and Remembering it later? A.K.A. the tourist who spends his holiday time "remembering" what's actually in front of him there and then, through his camera lens, thus precluding any full momentary and spontaneous enjoyment (venerating the image above the reality)? Is "I don't know" the answer to everything? Answers: (I wish it were possible to write upside-down in HTML) : I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Fiction...

I hate to mention trains again, but I ran for (said train) today and (said train) was pulling out as I got to the station-but the driver stuck his head out of his cabin, saw me, and stopped to let me on! You wouldn't get that from a BUS driver. My godlike aspirations continue as I stop a train in its tracks...
Whilst in transit I read a wonderful passage from Alan Bennetts "Talking Heads": "A lady of letters" explains why she can't get away with reading fiction:

"Maureen's trying to get me on reading. I suppose to get me off writing. She says books would widen my horizon. Fetches me novels, but they don't ring true. I mean, when someone in a novel says, "I've never been in an air crash", you know this means that five minutes later they will be. Say trains never crash and one does. In stories saying it brings it on. So if you get the heroine saying, "I shall never be happy", the you can bank on it there's happiness just around the corner. That's the rule in novels. Whereas in life you can say you're never going to be happy and you never are happy, and saying it doesn't make a ha'porth of difference. That's the real rule. Sometimes I catch myself thinking it'll be better the second time round.....But this is it. This has been my go".

I won £50 in book vouchers from the university and tonight I'm determined to put together a buy-list of "true to life" fiction (like talking heads!), which I'll publish tomorrow. I was thinking of just buying Milan Kundera's entire works, but 50 quid won't quite cover it, and anyways I've read nearly all of them. So I'm going to be adventurous...


Sunday, November 07, 2004

50 Foot arm...

Spent today recovering from yesterday, we took Joni for a walk as the sun was setting-it's been one of those days where the sun's been slumbering somewhere above a grey ceiling of cloud, but as we went for a walk it had shown it's face for the first time, climbing down below the cloud mass before disappearing below the horizon; it was so bright, and huge shadows were being thrown onto the beach below from where we walked on the hill above- I was wondering what a certain long shadow was when I realized it was me! I could lift my 50 foot arm and throw it out across the sea, and bring it back to land as quick: I must admit a few people walking past must have wondered what the heck I was doing (but they didn't see me as the ruler of land and sea that I was!)

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Trains...

We went to London for the day today, but "went to trains" would be closer to the truth. A freight-train de-railed yesterday, blocking our line, so the journey took twice as long as it should (5 hours) and we only had a few hours in London! The best bit was the whole way (4 1/2 hours) from York on the transfer trains as we enjoyed sitting on THE FLOOR. But at least it was a first class floor! They de-classified the train, so you could sit anywhere you liked (or could). Welcome to Indian Rail. The atmosphere was good, the stiff upper lip came out rather bally well, and we enjoyed our tribulation as one tightly huddled uncomfortable group (apart from some grumpy first class passengers who paid top dollar for reserved first class seating...and ended up sitting). A memorable moment was overhearing a girl telling a joke to her parents and getting it wrong (but I think it's funnier this way): What's a no idea? Well, it got me laughing. You have to know it to (not) get it. So we didn't see London like we wanted to.
Here's a picture of our lovely journey (seated on seats!) on the way back, as our best memory of the day (no Big Ben in this Bloomin Blog) accompanied by a "free refill" coffee from McDevils.

We were thankful to get back at all when we learned another train coming out of London just before ours derailed, killing 6 people.

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Friday, November 05, 2004

Tidal Wave...

I don't know where this thought came from, but I suppose it's sprung from me living by-the-sea and the probably unfounded fear every person who lives by-the-sea has: I thought that if a tidal wave was coming towards land, a really big one (say, 500 ft high), that people outdoors would instinctively run into shelter, their homes or cars or whatever they could find, whilst probably knowing deep down, that they're going to perish anyway. Isn't this a bit like, or couldn't somebody compare it to the reaction many people have when they see Death coming, even from afar? They run into organizations or religions that they believe offer them "shelter", but deep down many must know that they're going to perish anyway, to paraphrase Solomon, all are equal in Death because nobdy can escape, or be sheltered, from it. "Millions now living will never die" was an unqualified lie, as millions now living will never know.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Football...

Funny how these memorable moments are like the cement that holds the bricks of the week, the days, together; the important interstices (I like that word). Walking through the station back to catch the train, another train had just pulled in and a crowd of Middlesbrough supporters flooded down the steps towards me (and towards the game presumably) as I (alone) walked up the steps, like a salmon jumping a waterfall. It's funny, you could feel a rush of hot air just ahead of and around the crowd, like the breath of this single moving creature that (thankfully) let me pass (albeit hugging the wall).

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Pictures speak a thousand moments....

Really enjoying Steve Reich's stuff on my MP3 player at the moment. Walking to Uni through town today, it struck me that it's the ideal soundtrack to a speeded up film of what I was seeing around me - I imagined speeding pedestrians bobbing and weaving along the pavement, cars stopping impossibly quickly at traffic lights and then zooming off like flies from a wall. It's great train music too, particularly New-York Counterpoint and Eight lines.
Becky told me when I got in that Joni had refused to put a jumper on i.e. screamed and pulled it off; it's mad, because that's exactly what my Sister Abigail was like when she was young, even as young as Joni (18 months): she would only wear certain things and (also) would always have a hat on, even indoors! Well, Joni's started doing that too!
Ran this morning with Paul, and got our best time yet (22.23) for the Saltburn jog.
Decided to test the picture posting and put up two (recent) pictures of my two beautiful girls:

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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Used a lift (elevator) today with Steve Dunne (formal methods teacher) and Patrick, it was really packed. A pretty girl was pressed right into Steve at the back, alongside me, I caught Patrick’s eye (he was stood in the corner). I couldn’t help smiling (nor could he), I don’t know why, it seemed so alien I think to Steve’s character (asexual?), he being (to me, due to what he teaches) so “logical”. And obviously he’s quite old too. Yet we were still talking about the intricacies of the assignment we have just been given (FM2), it seemed like a situation where you shouldn’t laugh but you really wanted to (all the more so because you shouldn’t). A tension was caused by the contrast, the proximities of two opposites (Steve and the Girl).

Becky died her hair lighter again. £8+ round hair trip. Except it looks the same (and she’s not happy to say the least). I said “If you dye it again this week I’m not going to London” (we’re going on Saturday). That's how nasty I am, but she knows I never mean these things. Always going on about money, I know I am. Always trying to work out how much we’ll have at the end of the month, using the Microsoft "money" program, even at the beginning of the Month!

Joni saying “box” or “boxsssh”? When she means “books!”, “give me a book!”-got Joni up this afternoon, first thing (as always) she said.

My most used expression at the moment “I’m all acidy”. On tablets from Doctors, it’s really making my life miserable.

Monday, November 01, 2004

So it begins...

Becky dyed her hair really dark brown, and I really like it. She doesn’t. I actually said to her (pre-dye) “Don’t dye your hair again, you won’t like it, and you’ll say it’s too dark”. Her reason for not liking it: Too dark.

Becky tucked Joni in as I watched secretly, it made me so happy but then, more strongly, sad, in a sort of Mary-Poppins way (a film which makes me cry, for the same mixed up reasons), a “lost childhood” feeling, the desire for security, for everything to make sense? To be tucked in by someone else, everybody’s dream. Would Death itself be easier to face if you were tucked in on your Deathbed?

Watched “The silence” tonight, very explicit for it’s time we thought. B&W Boobies! We're going through a lot of Bergman's Films, I've enjoyed "Winter light" by the Director the most (so far), the idea that pervades throughout being Gods Silence.

A reason to Live, a reason to blog....

Decided to start this after reading from "Straw Dogs" page 68 (from Schopenhauer):

"It is assumed that the identity of the person rests on consciousness. If however we understand by this merely the conscious recollection of the course of life, then it is not enough. We know something more of the course of our life than of a novel we have read, yet very little indeed. The principal events, the interesting scenes have been impressed on us; for the rest, a thousand events are forgotten for one that has been retained. The older we become, the more does everything pass us by without a trace"

And

"The I is a thing of the moment, and yet our lives are ruled by it. We cannot rid ourselves of this inexistent thing. In our normal awareness of the present moment the sensation of selfhood is unshakeable. This is the primordial human error, in virtue of which we pass our lives as if in a dream".

Not in an attempt to refute the above statements, but in order to partially get to grips with them, and to hopefully decide whether they are valid: I want to shore up a mountain of interesting "events", not as in a diary filled with mundane and localized data, that has no relevance outside of its scope, but in the form of a Blog, where I will record an interesting thought (or thoughts), or a picture (or pictures), or an event (or events), a day; also the circumstances and thoughts surrounding these: to try to record these "events" which seem to me to stand out from the mundane in that day, to mark it as different from the days surrounding it. To accumulate a wealth of things that impress upon me in my daily life, a wealth of moments, so that I may know myself, and others know me, so that I may recall more than "One in a Thousand" moments by the act of recording them and tying them to a specific day in the blog: and the more Blog there is, perhaps the closer to the Blogger we can approach. This may all serve as an aid to understanding a self, as an education in what/who (if anything/anyone) "I AM" is.

I don't pretend that a lot of this will be interesting to anyone other than myself, and the people and places are only known to me and those that know me. Maybe I'll reveal things I shouldn't but that must be done to show me as I am. That is my theme: I. IThinkThereforeIAmIThink.